By: Krow Smith | @coffeewithkrow

My Gemini is a one-volume manga, by Yuu Morikawa, about a twin losing his brother and holding onto that sibling by sacrificing his own identity. Jekyll takes on Hyde’s persona after Hyde dies in a tragic accident while they were acting as each other. This comes at the cost of Jekyll’s own individuality and freedom. While some may disagree with me (ahem, Peggy), I found this story particularly thought-provoking.

I’ve been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), and with that can come a lot of scary questions. For example, one of the alters had an existential crisis recently about the potential of becoming the new host. He asked questions like, “What could that mean for our friendships, or our life’s trajectory?” and “How would we be perceived?” During this time, My Gemini came along.

As a quick disclaimer, while Jekyll in My Gemini does not have DID, I could empathize with what he felt and understand the decisions he ultimately made by looking at the work through a DID lens.

Let’s start with Chapter 10 of My Gemini, where it’s shown how the twins’ family could not tell them apart. When one twin dies and takes on the other as, in a way, an alter, the family immediately accepts the proclaimed identity to be true. Similarly, it can be difficult for loved ones to tell some alters apart. Most of the time they assume they are speaking with one alter when really they are interacting with another. This could lead to a favoritism for the alter people think they are more connected to.

Because Hyde was more loved by their parents and others, in the eyes of Jekyll, this adds a layer to his decision to take on his brother’s identity as a persona or alter. His life as Jekyll didn’t seem to be of as much worth to the family compared to Hyde. This further compounds Jekyll’s feelings of survivor’s guilt. It is also a decision an alter might make for the safety of the system since the imitated part might have made more of an impact on those around them. This would make it safer to avoid potentially disrupting the already established relationships.

Similar to losing a loved one in the sense that their memory (perhaps even spirit) never really leaves you, they are kept alive through your thoughts and actions. Alters are always a part of you, you just can’t communicate with them or see them the same way again. For an alter to change or go dormant are neutral occurrences, not positive and not negative. Yet, it can still feel like a loss for many. What would you do if a huge part of you was, for one reason or another, gone? Though, much like impersonating a twin, to live on as that alter can quickly become suffocating as you wonder how long one can keep this up.

In Chapter 14 of My Gemini, Jekyll admits to John, their best friend, to acting as Hyde, he also says, “The more I lived as Hyde the more I realized I was just ‘Jekyll pretending to be Hyde’” as seen on page 182. This shows that by living as an imposter of his twin, Jekyll is feeling more discernible from Hyde. It’s a sense that you can’t truly replicate someone, their passions, dreams, and what makes a person their own.

Ultimately, is this decision a good one? No, it’s not. By allowing yourself to fade into the background as a ghost of what was and to uphold the identity of someone you were inseparable from is a choice made out of fear of change. It would be much healthier to mourn the loss of the twin or the presence of the alter and move on.

The ending of My Gemini was a happy one in tone, with John—the best friend—having the best of both worlds with Jekyll in person and Hyde in spirit through Jekyll pretending to be the dead twin. However, thinking of this through the perspective of Jekyll and through an alter making a similar decision, it takes on a melancholic feel. With Jekyll refusing to let go and living in a self-made hell of being someone else for, presumably, the rest of his life.